Shopping Angst

     Does it have too much sodium? Does it have enough fiber? What's the caloric content? UGH! All of this is enough to trigger a panic attack right in the aisle! You don't want to just throw anything in your cart but you are not exactly wanting to live your life only on 100% wheat bread and water. I remember the good old days when I use to be able to shop like a guy. I would just grab what I needed specifically in that moment, at least most of the time, and leave! I guess overall it's not that bad of a trade-off in actuality. More time in the store is now equal to making better choices. Just make sure you have eaten first! Please trust me on this folks or this whole "extended stay" can and will most likely backfire. It also doesn't help when you have a husband who is addicted to "Oreo's" *coughs* "Twist n Shouts" (Wal-mart brand) (^_~)
     So what do you do when you wish to eat better, combat inflation in this warped economy, and you don't have the time nor the energy to take up a full time job of coupon-ing? *light bulb turns on* Get out of your comfort zone and talk to people. Come on you can do it. I know you can. (>_<) Do some research on local stores and compare. I know this may seem like common sense to some of you but I am meaning doing more than the obvious. I recently have been talking to a few store managers to find out which "tactics" are allowed at each store. Something I've done to save money recently was to use the salad bar available in my local heath grocery foods store to my advantage. All I have to do when I want some romaine lettuce, spinach or any type of ridiculously over priced leafy green is grab a container, fill it up and check out. These items are virtually weightless so you can fill a container with no worries. I use to spend around $4.00 a bag and with that a lot of the time there were pieces that have begun turning brown and slimy. I had no idea that I would become so picky with my greens but by doing it  this way I spend anywhere from $1.29 to just under $2.00 and I am the one in control. I hope this helps. Also, if any of you have any other suggestions, please feel free to leave a comment below or comment under the link where you found my post. We can all help each other. (^_^) Now let me leave this computer before I pick up where I left off about this economy. LOL! Until next time.

-SKBarnes

Lunch:  Lean pastrami sandwich with hummus
Dijon mustard, spinach, pickles, red onions, and bean sprouts. All veggies listed totaled $1.29 with plenty left over,the lean pastrami pack was $.58. and the croissant roll was $.33. This means lunch was only $2.20 today!  I really didn't think you would want me to break down the pennies it would take to cover the cost of a squirt of mustard etc. so I just omitted it. \(^_^)/

One giant step forward, three steps back... (v_v)

     *Sighs* I did say that this was going to be a learning experience, I just didn't realize how naive I was about the smallest of things. Water intake? Check. Stretching? Check. Knowing the difference between wishing to give your all and realizing you need to take a break? No not so much. To be honest, I don't even feel up to writing about this but I must. By doing so, hopefully this will get logged away in my mental Rolodex somewhere. I need to remember exactly how I feel in this moment so that I am not so careless in the future. Also, I wish to warn you that what I am about to share may make some of you uncomfortable. Feel free to skip ahead to the next paragraph if you'd like. I won't mind. (>_<)
     It all started where else but at the gym. I was going my hardest like I normally would when I noticed a stinging sensation on my inner right thigh. After class I sat in my car for a bit before proceeding to drive home. When I was ready to enter my home however, OUCH!!!!!!!! It felt like I had gotten a paper cut! Fast forward to the shower. I'll save you the graphic details but have you ever had to feel for something you can't see? Well this happens to me often on account that I am an obese individual and can't normally just look down. Having folds of excess fat definitely makes things harder. Allow me to touch on this briefly. For example, I remember being in yoga when we were transitioning from standing to sitting poses and my rolls (I hate saying that) made a slapping noise that resembled a fart. (Sorry to be so crass) For me it was simply easier for me to say "excuse me" than to stop the class and proceed to educate everyone on what had really happened. Can you imagine?!?! "No I did not break wind, my folds just expel air sometimes because I am a fatty!" (Laughs at how I pull out a dry erase board with a diagram on it in my mind). (>_<) Okay, enough of that, back to the story at hand. Well, I am going to assume that at this point it was just mild chafing. (Stupid new underwear) So what does this genius do? She goes to sleep, wakes up still limping mind you, and then proceeds to go to the gym! See, in my mind my thought was "Athletes compete injured all the time. They wouldn't allow a little chafing to stop them from competing." So I do this for three more days until you guessed it ladies and gentlemen, that is if all the gentlemen didn't just skip ahead to my closing statement, it became infected. Yeah, I know, I know. (Insert scolding comments here) Then to top it all off, I caught a cold which triggered one of the worse toothaches of my life!!!!!! You know because having menstrual cramps added to this scenario wasn't nearly thrilling enough. Can you recall how people in action movies are portrayed? That tremble they all have when they are desperately looking for the solution to their problems? Well that was me for about a solid week after the chafing incident. Even now I would say that I am overall only around 80-95% better. So what I am doing in conjunction with taking meds around the clock? Detoxing yay! Can you tell how excited I am? UGH! I just figured it would kinda help move things along. I have a few samples of Flor Essence by Flora. You can try looking for this at your local natural/health foods store. The company suggests mixing three ounces with one ounce of hot water. The solution is a dark brown liquid that tastes like stale water but it works so that's all that really matters.

     I know you are wondering why did I allow this to happen? Why could I not allow myself a few days to heal instead of losing over half a month? The reason for me was simple. I was afraid. I still am to some extent. Previous attempts at losing weight failed as a result of not over eating but of getting sick and  feeling too lethargic to get back into it. This has ALWAYS been my downfall. This literally was the trigger to me gaining all my weight back plus more. I felt so accomplished up until this point. I just can't help but think about what if I had been able correct this the first time around right after high school? There it is again. That shame. That embarrassment...  Depression... *Snaps out of it* NO!!!! This won't be like last time! (I am actually talking to myself at this point) Do you know how I am so sure?  Ever since having to take my leave of absence from the gym, that is all I can think about! I find myself talking to my husband about which classes I should start back with so that I can ease back in my routine. I miss it SO MUCH!  Also, this may come off as a bit cheesy but I really do miss seeing everyone.  Remember the days when you were in kindergarten and all you wanted to do was go to school to see your friends? That's how I feel! Plus, I miss laughing at my "teachers"! (Just kidding, sort of (^_^)). I'm tired of being at home and seeing these same walls day in and day out. It reminds me too much of how my life was before I decided to take it back. Around me is that familiar feeling of hopelessness that amplifies the numerous times I have FAILED. Also making a guest appearance is its old running mate negativity who is attempting to convince me that surgery is my only option. That's it! That settles it. I have no choice! I am going back to the gym. I'll just make sure that I am healthy first. (^_^) Until next time.

-SKBarnes

Balancing Act

     Ow! Bang! Crash! ( Insert any crazy or wacky onomatopoeia here. Come on all you teachers and students out there. I know you can do it!) I have become the epitome of clumsy. I mean that quite literally. I could be standing perfectly upright in the living room with NOTHING around me and just trip, lean, fall or what have you. It's so weird! After much discussion with my husband, who at one point of his life was well over 400 lbs but for the life of him can NOT REMEMBER how he lost the weight, (~_~) I have come to this conclusion. My weight distribution has now changed. I before would carry weight through out my entire body but the majority of it would be concentrated around my core. Reflecting back now, I can recall when peers would attempt to guess my weight and be off by at least 100 lbs. Now however, as I am losing fat and gaining muscle in new areas. I feel as though I am learning all over again. A trainer could say something along the line of, "Make sure all ten toes are facing forward". Sure enough I would think I was doing just that until I saw my feet in the mirror. Totally crooked! Then what's worse is when I would align my feet correctly, I would become off balanced!  Ugh! Since then I have been attempting to teach myself how to walk correctly and viewing videos online about strength exercises for my feet. When it came to my walk I normally would overpronate due to the fact that I am naturally flat footed. Now I am glad to say, after going to a store that will actually check your stride, not only I am developing an arch but also my foot alignment is falling into a neutral position!
     It's crazy what a life time of being in the wrong shoes can do. Growing up it was "Who ever could find the cheapest shoes wins!" Even to this day I have to remind myself that shoes are not just accessories but are very important tools. I wouldn't just warm my hands up by rubbing them together and then proceed to glide my hands over my hair and call it "flat-ironing" (especially not with this huge Afro ha!), therefore I shouldn't workout in just any pair of shoes that come my way. I mean really? "Who ever finds the cheapest shoes wins?" The only one winning was my dad while my brothers and I grew up with flat feet and foot pain.
     Something else too, while I'm thinking about how I look in the mirror. Some days, it's as if I don't even recognize my reflection. I mean don't worry I know it's me but it's almost as if I have to tell myself it's MY reflection. Now, this is not necessarily an awful thing. I guess the reasoning behind why I appear to be so foreign to myself would be because even though I use to weigh less than I currently am, I am doing strength training in conjunction with my cardio. Even during my active days I wasn't doing clean 'n presses. (my favorite Body Pump move believe it or not (^_^)) I'm positive someone has caught me staring at the mirror in class before. I can't help it! Especially in my Body Combat class. When we are asked to focus on a "target"  I immediately find myself looking straight ahead. Each attack seems to come in contact with my reflection's face as if to defeat that person who thought it was too late to fight and said that I had become too old to try again. Each hook feels like a blow to the "Old Kiki" who would let the painful jabs of family members walk all over her. During "the fight" I can see the new me emerging. When I am tired and have to place my hands on my sides. I can actually feel where my "true body" lies within.
     This is so hard for me! Even in writing this I have to take breaks due to the fact that this brings out a side of me I am not fully comfortable showing. Once again growing up in a family where showing emotions made a person WEAK, it's hard to share this experience without feeling utterly broken, embarrassed  and down right ashamed. Too many emotions and too many feelings. Happiness, anger, sadness, contempt, range, determination, the list just goes on and on. I have to keep smiling. I have to keep laughing. I have to know that God will never give me anything that I can't bare and that one day I will look at this time in my life and feel proud. *smiles* Until next time,

-SKBarnes


Ps. I actually got this in a fortune cookie the other day. My husband wanted to go out so I just made a chicken salad. See? Even the cookie knows what's in store for me! \(^_^)/

Can't quit now! (^_^)

  * Drum roll* Hey it's time for an update! How am I feeling today you ask? A lot better than I previously was. Allow me to elaborate. Lately, I have noticed that along with this goody bag of fluctuated weight, fat loss/ muscle gain, can and more than likely  be paired with fluctuated emotions. For example, sometime around Valentines Day, not exactly sure what day but I'm sure you get the gist of what I mean, I decided to take one of the trainers' suggestions and literally CARRY around the weight I have lost so far! (30lbs) Not only did I go up a flight of stairs but I also did a lap around the indoor track! I was so overcome with emotions that I had to leave. Mind you these were happy, proud, emotions however I did not wish to explain to onlookers (who may mistaken my joy for sadness) why I was crying. Actually, I was so happy I was telling everyone and I mean EVERYONE! (>_<)
     The following Monday, I was totally pumped and ready to go to Zumba. I was especially excited to see a fellow friend return from her hiatus due to personal reasons that I will not mention here out of respect for her. So, by this time class had started, everyone was dancing, it was great! Then around the third song I noticed it. Someone was standing outside the door with what appeared to be a cell phone recording and laughing. I really hope they weren't recording at least. I know nowadays people get their kicks by recording people and placing them on YouTube. So I did what came instinctively. I put on the best show I could and when the song ended, I smiled, waved and walked away. I only left my spot for a moment just to get my water because of course I couldn't quit now! After coming back home I could feel that something was different. There was this frustration being fueled by something I haven't felt since middle school. I mean normally if I saw someone looking at me I would just brush it off, keep going, and maybe even smile. Why not this? Why did this bother me so much to the point where I started kicking myself for not saying anything earlier? I wanted to speak about it. Really I did but to be honest, I just didn't want to come off as "That " person. You know the type. The one who always has something to complain about and never is satisfied. To be completely frank, I wanted to come on here and do a 30 page rant but I allowed myself a few days to cool off. I feel sometimes we can say things out of anger that we don't really mean so I took a time out. Don't worry, I'm much better now. (^_^)

Until next time,


-SKBarnes

Also, I almost forgot. If you were just wondering what 30lbs, in the right place, looks like. Then look no further! (^_^)

Twenty-seven and counting!

As of today I am proud to announce that I have lost a combined total of twenty-seven pounds thus far! Even though I am ecstatic now, I have to admit that this didn't seem like such an accomplishment to me initially. I automatically thought on how much more I have to go and started reflecting on how I should have never allowed myself to get to this point in the first place. Luckily, I reminded myself that this new lifestyle is no longer about my past but about my future. I didn't get to this weight overnight therefore quite naturally it will take me some time to lose the excess amount. I am deeply touched with the amount of support I have received. For the first time I truly realize that in some kind of twist, I have gained an " audience". That is to say that previously, the only people who I figured were REALLY paying me any attention were my family, friends, and the gym instructors. Man was I wrong! I have had total strangers who have seen me running on the indoor track cheer me on and tell me that I can do it. I have even had people to tell me that they have been watching me since I started back in October. It's amazing to see that they can actually tell me where I've lost inches! The best feeling I have to say is when I get to speak with others who wish to change their lifestyles for the better as well. If seeing me all sweaty  and giving my all in Zumba makes you want to try to reach for your goals, then by all means do it! I'll even be your little cheerleader in the corner of the room with the glow sticks. Ha! In all seriousness though, I consider myself blessed. To think, not too long ago I seemed to always be sick! I dealt with tons of swelling, constant pain, and a bit of depression. There, I said it, DEPRESSION. That was something I never wished to let anyone in on except my husband. Well that's all behind me because now I feel nothing can stop me! Until next time,

-SKBarnes

Cleaning the secret workout

Here I am at home completely worn out. Why you ask? Simple. I have literally been cleaning my house from top to bottom. Why must I wait for Spring to do a thorough cleaning? *shrugs* I'm not even quite sure on how I got started but something in me literally just wanted to get rid of any unnecessary junk from the previous year. Before I knew it my house was completely unrecognizable and I'm left utterly worn out. Recently I downloaded the free My fitness pal app on my smartphone. You can find out if your phone is compatible and download it here. "My Fitness Pal"  So just for fun I decided to see if I could actually count my house work as a workout. After I'm sore and completely drenched! Come to find out, depending on your weight, one can burn anywhere between 385 to 462 calories an hour. It feels great knowing that even though I couldn't physically make it to the gym, I was able to do my workouts. (^_^) Until next time.

-SKBarnes

When to hydrate and when to replenish?

Hey just checking in with an update. I know some of your are probably wondering why on earth do I not post on a daily basis? This is mainly due to the fact that more or less I am still involved with the same activities I listed earlier in the previous year. I naturally just assumed that you all at home would get bored of me writing, "Zumba today was fun lol." Anything really that short sweet and to point I just post on Facebook. I digress. Not too long ago I noticed that even though I was consuming plenty of water, a gallon on many occasions, I would feel drained. This later turned into me feeling quite ill and became dehydrated! Dehydrated! How could I be dehydrated when I was consuming so much water?  Up until this point I had made an attempt to stay away from all sports drinks because of how bad they have been made out to be due to the sodium and sugar content. I later came to the conclusion that it's not about omitting one choice but about when to choose one over the other. You see, on days when you choose to do light to moderate exercise, up to one hour, the better choice would be water. During that time, the only thing your body is looking to replace is water. Now on days where you strive to go the distance and push it to your limits, high-intensity or prolonged workouts, a sports drink would often be the better choice. You see, the sodium that is found in sport drinks assist your body by helping it hold on to the fluids that are normally lost through perspiration. Also, unlike water, sports drinks contain calories as a way to replenish energy. You can read more about it here. . Drinking Gatorade vs Drinking water. What I have now started doing is either, on days where I plan on doing more than one class, bring one bottle of water and one sports drink or I'll mix half and half. This really helps me because I get to cut down on the sugar and sodium without suffering the taste of the "diet" sports drink. Ha! They can keep that! Until next time.

-SKBarnes