Balancing Act

     Ow! Bang! Crash! ( Insert any crazy or wacky onomatopoeia here. Come on all you teachers and students out there. I know you can do it!) I have become the epitome of clumsy. I mean that quite literally. I could be standing perfectly upright in the living room with NOTHING around me and just trip, lean, fall or what have you. It's so weird! After much discussion with my husband, who at one point of his life was well over 400 lbs but for the life of him can NOT REMEMBER how he lost the weight, (~_~) I have come to this conclusion. My weight distribution has now changed. I before would carry weight through out my entire body but the majority of it would be concentrated around my core. Reflecting back now, I can recall when peers would attempt to guess my weight and be off by at least 100 lbs. Now however, as I am losing fat and gaining muscle in new areas. I feel as though I am learning all over again. A trainer could say something along the line of, "Make sure all ten toes are facing forward". Sure enough I would think I was doing just that until I saw my feet in the mirror. Totally crooked! Then what's worse is when I would align my feet correctly, I would become off balanced!  Ugh! Since then I have been attempting to teach myself how to walk correctly and viewing videos online about strength exercises for my feet. When it came to my walk I normally would overpronate due to the fact that I am naturally flat footed. Now I am glad to say, after going to a store that will actually check your stride, not only I am developing an arch but also my foot alignment is falling into a neutral position!
     It's crazy what a life time of being in the wrong shoes can do. Growing up it was "Who ever could find the cheapest shoes wins!" Even to this day I have to remind myself that shoes are not just accessories but are very important tools. I wouldn't just warm my hands up by rubbing them together and then proceed to glide my hands over my hair and call it "flat-ironing" (especially not with this huge Afro ha!), therefore I shouldn't workout in just any pair of shoes that come my way. I mean really? "Who ever finds the cheapest shoes wins?" The only one winning was my dad while my brothers and I grew up with flat feet and foot pain.
     Something else too, while I'm thinking about how I look in the mirror. Some days, it's as if I don't even recognize my reflection. I mean don't worry I know it's me but it's almost as if I have to tell myself it's MY reflection. Now, this is not necessarily an awful thing. I guess the reasoning behind why I appear to be so foreign to myself would be because even though I use to weigh less than I currently am, I am doing strength training in conjunction with my cardio. Even during my active days I wasn't doing clean 'n presses. (my favorite Body Pump move believe it or not (^_^)) I'm positive someone has caught me staring at the mirror in class before. I can't help it! Especially in my Body Combat class. When we are asked to focus on a "target"  I immediately find myself looking straight ahead. Each attack seems to come in contact with my reflection's face as if to defeat that person who thought it was too late to fight and said that I had become too old to try again. Each hook feels like a blow to the "Old Kiki" who would let the painful jabs of family members walk all over her. During "the fight" I can see the new me emerging. When I am tired and have to place my hands on my sides. I can actually feel where my "true body" lies within.
     This is so hard for me! Even in writing this I have to take breaks due to the fact that this brings out a side of me I am not fully comfortable showing. Once again growing up in a family where showing emotions made a person WEAK, it's hard to share this experience without feeling utterly broken, embarrassed  and down right ashamed. Too many emotions and too many feelings. Happiness, anger, sadness, contempt, range, determination, the list just goes on and on. I have to keep smiling. I have to keep laughing. I have to know that God will never give me anything that I can't bare and that one day I will look at this time in my life and feel proud. *smiles* Until next time,

-SKBarnes


Ps. I actually got this in a fortune cookie the other day. My husband wanted to go out so I just made a chicken salad. See? Even the cookie knows what's in store for me! \(^_^)/